Stop Planning My Life

Serious conversation time…


The other evening, Kevin and I were shopping at a local store.  While waiting in line, there was a lady eyeing Claire and started talking to her.  Claire stared her down and as usual it is just an awkward exchange. Between the parent pretending to talk for the baby (or whatever we are supposed to do whenever someone ask their baby questions) and uncomfortable laughter.  Then it got more uncomfortable.  She asked us how old our daughter is, which we replied with 7 months old.  Her automatic response was, “you need to give her a sibling soon.”  There it was 7 months into this parenting gig and I got the first, “when is the next baby coming?”

Seriously, 7 months?  That is all I get to learn to be a parent, and it is time to have another baby.   That is all the time I get to spend enjoying my daughter before it is time for me to spend more time with my head in the toilet, waiting for baby number to to arrive?  That is ridiculous.

What I wanted to tell her was the following:

  • Will you hand over the thousands it will cost?
  • Will you go to Congress and help us fight to keep the law intact?
  • Will you come play with Claire while I toss my cookies and give me a nap?
  • Will you ensure me that each embryo transfer will not ultimately end in absolute heartbreak?
  • Will you ensure I am ready to have another baby?
  • Will you heal my anxiety so that I feel ready?
  • Will you hire someone to be my personal trainer so I can quickly get my body in shape to meet your deadline?
  • Will you hire a cook to create healthy food options so I can have a healthy pregnancy?
  • Will you take the shots in your ass cheek, to somehow help me?
  • Will you pay for college and weddings?
  • Will you come tame every argument between the two of them?
  • Will you be able to comfort me as I go through some of the most difficult treatments and experiences I’ve ever known?
  • Will you explain to my daughter why I have to give myself shots everyday?
  • Will you babysit when I want to spend a day with my husband on a date?

My guess would be that she will not do any of those things.  My guess is I will never see that woman again. So why does she think she can have ANY input in my life?  She has no right to it.

Bottom line is… there is nothing wrong with have one baby, five babies, eight babies as long as you have the love and means to support them.  There is nothing wrong with living child free either.  I believe a person can be perfectly whole in any way they choose to live their life, that could be with children, without them, maybe with a dog or even a really awesome sports car.  Whatever floats your boat is exactly what you should do.  What you do does not impact me, so I have absolutely no right to tell you what you should do.

If you do choose to have children, having one is completely okay too!  The lady at the store was telling me how much my daughter needs a sibling and how wrong it would be to not give her one.  Whatever.  My daughter will be fine just with herself or with several other siblings.  How dare someone think they can tell me otherwise.  Kevin and I have no idea how many children we will have, but I can tell you that it is not even a thought in our head right now.  We are living in the now, and loving the now.  Whatever we choose in the future, is between the two of us, not some random lady at a store.   I see it all the time, parents with one kid or couples with no kids, constantly hearing what they should do.  They know love, whether they have children or not.  Don’t be so ridiculous and so ignorant that you cannot comprehend that someone may want a different life than you.

Moral of the story…DON’T be the random lady at the store.