Claire’s Birth Story

This is the story of how my beautiful daughter joined our world. A better title for this post might be…”Well that did not go as planned.”  November 24,2015 an embryo was placed back into its home and that started our two week wait to see if I was pregnant.  Two weeks later we found out that I was pregnant.  The best feelings in the world started then, our hearts were so full knowing soon we would be parents. Nine months went by and we fell more in love with our daughter through each movement we felt and every time we saw her face on the sonograms.  Soon we would meet our baby girl and we were beyond excited!

The week before Claire was born I was sent to the hospital from our appointment for monitoring due to high blood pressure.  It was more routine than anything and we were sent home.  I had another appointment a few days later on Monday to check my blood pressure.  This time my blood pressure was still high and I had a lot more protein in my urine.  We got sent back to the hospital for monitoring and we fully expected to be sent home.  After tests and monitoring were completed a midwife met with us to go over the results.  The results were the beginnings of pre-eclampsia and it was time to start trying to have a baby.  The risks associated with staying pregnant were higher than actually just having her at this point.  I was really quite in shock because I knew they were packed with laboring mothers and I really thought they would send me home!

They moved me into a room and Kevin and I contacted our parents to let them know what was going on.  Little did we know how long this was actually going to take! Our midwife was very nice and let me have dinner before we started the induction (a decision I regretted a few hours later).  At 7pm I was given medication to help my cervix get ready to work! Within thirty minutes I was having a reaction to the medication and having intense contractions. I was incredibly sick from it.  They started and IV to re-hydrate me and help calm my body down.  Luckily within a few hours that settled down.  In the morning they checked to see if the medication worked. I was 3cm and about 50-60% effaced.  This was progress from the 1cm I was the night before.  My doctor let me have breakfast and shower before the next round of medications.  After the night before I was terrified to eat, so I stuck with toast! Once I was ready they started the medications to continue to induce labor.

I started with small contractions.  I was stuck mostly in my bed because of blood pressure.  So all of the awesome techniques I learned to help progress labor couldn’t really be used.  The doctor checked on me every couple of hours.  Progress was small and Claire’s head was still sitting up high.  They continued to pump me with medication to try and push more contractions.  Eventually contractions became stronger and slow progress was being made.  The doctor came in to break my water which really set the contractions into full force.  I went for several hours rolling through contractions.  At times I lost control of them but my nurse and husband helped bring me back.  After two days of laboring and pure exhaustion I opted for the epidural.  I was sad, and felt like a failure, to give up my natural child birth plan, but an exhausted body couldn’t do the job it needed anymore and I knew that.

They came to give me the epidural and that was hell in itself.  My back was loaded with fluid making it difficult to find the best spot to place it.  I had to be stuck four times.  Many of the sticks resulted in what I could only explain as what it must feel to be electrocuted as it hit a nerve. I was terrified that damage was going to be done and my inability to tolerate the pain anymore was going to ruin my life.  Thankfully it finally worked and I was perfectly fine.  It was not the best epidural but it did take the edge off so I could relax more for the long road I had ahead of me.

Labor continued and progress was small still.  Claire’s head just was not dropping like they would have liked. My legs were hard and shiny from all of the fluid I was taking on. I could feel it in my face, my scalp, literally everywhere.  Wednesday afternoon my doctor determined it was no longer safe to continue to push fluids and I needed a c section. There went everything I had hoped for with bringing my daughter into this world.  I tried to prepare myself for every scenario because I am well aware that things do not always go as planned.  I stayed as positive as I could about it because I really had no choice at this point.  My options were gone and if I wanted my daughter here safely I needed to accept this.

We waited until an OR opened, which took a couple of hours.  I went back and forth between being okay with it and from sheer panic.  I was so afraid I would die in surgery and that the daughter I had longed for would grow up without me.  Dramatic I know…but it is where my head always likes to go. Then my probably more realistic fear was that I would feel them cutting me open and that I would panic during surgery and then what?  Thankfully the Bradley Birthing Method class I took for a natural childbirth was still useful.  I practiced the relaxation techniques I used to help me to go to the OR and through the surgery itself.

Once it was time to go to the OR, they had Kevin get in scrubs and then wheeled me up to the doors.  Kevin had to wait in the waiting room until they were prepped for surgery.   I was put onto the table and the prep work began.  There is nothing quite like lying awake on an operating table while they talk their lingo to prep you and you just lay there waiting for it, feeling alone.  Thankfully the doctors and nurses were beyond amazing.  They reassured me and helped to keep me calm until Kevin could join me again.  Once he came in he was able to sit by my head and I could start to feel the pressure of things happening to me in my stomach.  I remember just saying to him, “I’m so scared.”  He grabbed my hand harder and we talked through the surgery to try to keep us both calm.  I tried to imagine that I wasn’t cut open, that this was natural childbirth and I just was not able to see it.  As they pushed and rocked my body around I tried to keep convincing myself of that.   I was shocked by how much I actually felt (not pain, just pressure and movement) and how much force it felt like was needed to get her out.  My epidural was not one of the best because my back was so swollen.  They had to give me a high dose of medicine to ensure I was numbed.  The absolute worst part for me what I felt like I could not breath since I was numb to my neck.  Luckily as that sensation started to hit me, the nurse somehow knew and warned me it might happen.  I was thankful for the warning, but was still terrified the entire time.

There was lots of rock and shaking my body and then suddenly… a cry, a very loud squeal like cry.

Time really did stand still. 

Kevin and I looked at each other in absolute amazement and disbelief.  That cry was our daughter.  She was okay, she was alive and here with us!  I will never be able to put into words how that felt.  After trying so hard just to have her, injecting myself with medicines, facing losses, doctors appointments, anxiety, and literal blood, sweat and tears , she was here.  The little girl we dreamed about is actually here!

They took her to clean her off and check her out.  Then that little bundle of joy was brought to us.  They held her by my face so I could say hi and give her a kiss.  The neonatologist came over and let us know that she was absolutely perfect.  So much fear was gone at that point.  We were so in love from that very moment.  The nurses took pictures for us and then it was time for Claire and Kevin to go.  I was alone again as they worked to put me back together.  Once they were finished they took me to recovery where I started to get some feeling back.  Then they brought Claire to me to try to breastfeed for a bit.  After that attempt Kevin and Claire went back to our room and I followed behind not long after.

Our Claire is finally here!

We spent three days in the hospital after her birth.  I was incredibly swollen even when we left the hospital.  Thankfully by now most of the swelling is finally gone!  I had a really difficult time accepting the c section but when I see the pictures of us together in that OR, my heart feels so full and I feel like my body still did something amazing… it created life and then in the end I laid awake on a table as my body was cut open just to bring her into this world.  I’m proud of that, even though sometimes I am still saddened by it too.  Claire is thriving and doing well.  We are working on breastfeeding but facing a bit of losing battle with it…but that post is for another day.  For now, our family of three is healthy and happy – what else could matter?

claire

A Day of Dreams

At one point I could not wait for this day to come.  I was so excited, I put it in my phone, added it to the pregnancy apps, I hoped and I dreamed.  Today is the day our first embryo, had it made it, would have been due.  I was naive, even though I should not have been because I am well aware of what can go very wrong, but I was so full of hope.  I was hopeful that we would get lucky and out first transfer would survive and in mid-June we would have our baby.  I was hoping for the due date to be just a few days earlier in June 24th because I thought it would be amazing for our baby to enter this world on Kevin’s Alive Day.  If you don’t already know, an Alive Day is what we call the day that Kevin was injured in Afghanistan.  It is a day many people refer to when they nearly escaped death, a day of second chances.

When I had my embryo Transfer on October 3rd, we were so excited.  For the first time in my life I was considered “pregnant”.  When you leave you are told you treat yourself just like you know you’re pregnant and to take it easy.  You leave with a picture of the most beautiful embryo.  We went home and all I could do was smile because I knew what was going on inside of me and hopefully that our baby was taking shape.

After the transfer you have two weeks of what I like to call hell.  After the two weeks are over, you go to the office for a pregnancy test.  I cheated and tested beforehand.  Day after day was I getting negatives.  I remember feeling like my world was upside down.  The one thing I wanted more than anything I felt like was slowly getting further out of my grasp.  It was painful.

Then on October 16th… the test.  I did not have a lot of hope left in me by that day.  I cried as the nurse took my blood.  It was so embarrassing but my heart and soul knew that I had lost something.   We went home and we waited for the call.  My poor nurse had to call me with the devastating news.  I was numb and in more pain than I thought a body to could experience emotionally.  Our “embaby” as we called it, did not make it.  That due date that I was dreaming of would come with empty arms.  The pregnancy apps had to be deleted, whiteout had to be taken to my calendar, and I had to go on with life like I felt fine.

I will always wonder, if that embaby would have made it would it have been a boy or girl.  Would they be a lot like what Claire will be like or completely different?  The wondering hurts but sometimes you cannot stop your mind from doing it.

I know others have been through significantly more catastrophic pain than I have experienced.  I don’t mean to share my pain to put a shadow over theirs. I am a firm believer that just because one person experiences more pain from another, does not make the others less painful. I only share it because it is my pain.  It is my pain that has made this pregnancy with Claire terrifying.  I struggled the whole way through it with anxiety and sadness as I fear that for some reason she would be taken from me.  Thoughts run through my head because of my experiences and because of the deep wounds infertility has left on my heart. Although it is terrible advice for anyone, trying again right after a loss is even harder with infertility.  It involves shots, procedures, doctors, and extensive amounts of money that we may not always have and really no sex.  I remember after our first one failing thinking how in the world am I going to do this again, especially the two week wait.

Thankfully we did try again.  I am incredibly thankful that we got another chance and that our Claire will be with us shortly.  A part of me will just always ache and wonder for the first one but I know how blessed we are to have Claire. I promise her the happiest and healthiest life I can provide her and that she will always know love.

Baby Jaye Transfer Day

Empathy… where is it?

Recent news has made me question often, is empathy lost?  We’ve all heard about the little boy who lost his life at Disney World because an Alligator swept him away while his Dad fought with everything he had to free his son.  Can you imagine the terror they all must have been feeling.  But since a “no swimming” sign was posted, we do not appear to even try to imagine their pain.  Instead we say things like, “they must be idiots” or “how do they do something so stupid?”.  We go on and on about how wrong they were like we’ve never once made a mistake that could have been terrible.  How many times has the line came out of your mouth, “I just turned my back for a second and _________.”  I’m sure everyone could fill the blank with something their child has done that made their heart stop for a second. You might fill that blank with , “they were not where I left them,” or “they were eating something that wasn’t food”, the list could go on and on.  Or how about the things we know we should not do but we just think it will be okay because it is “only or a second”.  Like unbuckling your child to adjust or feed them while driving down the road, leaving any thing that could be used as a weapon unlocked around your home (better lock up those butter knives), leaving those Tide Pods that apparently kids they are candy laying around, letting them pet a strangers dogs,  taking their helmet off while riding a bike or skating, buying your kid an energy drink, letting your child drive before they are of age, letting your child have beer, the list could go forever.  All these things we know we should not do.  They seem like little things, but at some point for someone they were big things. Yet we do them anyways because somehow we are exempt from dealing with that this family in Florida is facing.  It also does not make you a bad person if you did do one of those, it was a lapse of judgement, we all have it or maybe because 99% of the time everything is okay if you do one of those things. For a Nebraska family, no swimming may just mean there is no lifeguard or the water is kind of gross.  I’m sure many of us has done the same thing.  The child was just a the water’s edge and his parents were there.  No swimming and alligators might be present are two totally different things.  Disney didn’t even know alligators were there, they typically remove them from inside the park whenever they are found.  Your chances of meeting an alligator face to face is incredibly slim, even in a heavily populated area such as Florida.  Deadly attacks are even less likely.  I recently read that there’s been about 23 deadly attacks since the 70’s in the United States.   So probably a lot more deaths have occurred from the things I listed above that we pass off as okay.

My biggest point here is that, when as a society did we stop caring.  A family who planned an amazing vacation for their children will be boarding a plane at some point without their son.  The Mom and Dad probably were just as excited as the kids for the vacation because they were going to get to watch the magic through their child’s eyes.  They probably picked out the cute outfits with the crazy mouse ears for them to wear in anticipation for a great time.  In no way, did they expect this.  None of us do.  At any moment our own lives could be flipped upside down for whatever reason.  One of us could be a grieving parent and the very last thing you need is society telling you that they are better parents than you and that you deserved this.  Because they don’t.  None of us do.  Parents all over the world are literally winging it.  You could read every parenting book in the world and still not be parent of the year.  We all make mistake, we hurt our kids feelings by accident, we don’t always put safety first (even if you think you do, you don’t), we are not perfect 100% of the time.  So instead of trying to make ourselves feel better about our own mistake by attacking others, how about we fill the world with love and support for other parents.  This family will never be the same, it is tragic and it absolutely heartbreaking.  That is what Facebook should have been filled with instead of wasting our time trying to figure out who to blame.  At any moment this could be you, in a freak accident, begging for your life to be the same but it never will be.   So have a little empathy, if we even know what that word means anymore.

Why am I begging? 

If you follow me on Facebook or basically any other social media I have probably been driving you nuts with my post lately.  I’d apologize but I can’t because it is just that important.  My Husband and I have been fighting for over a year now for Congress to pass legislation to allow the VA to provide IVF coverage to our wounded Veterans.  I know other couples that have been fighting for over 6 years for the same thing.  Year after year this gets put on the back burner.  Year after year it is voted down or taken out.  Every precious year during our child bearing years is quickly passing us by, while we wait for Congress to decide how they “feel” about IVF and other fertility treatments.

Congress- WE DO NOT HAVE TIME!  44% of Maryland’s Post 911 Veterans are in their prime child bearing years.  When you hit around the age of 35 fertility discussions start to become different.  My Husband spent 2.5 years at Walter Reed recovering from significant injuries that he sustained in Afghanistan during his first deployment in our Army’s Infantry.  Kevin lost his leg and suffered extensive injuries to the rest of his body.  He also lost a testicle that resulted in a significant decrease in fertility.  Every test and doctor we have seen has said the same painful words, we will never have children on our own.  We were told that we would be covered through the DOD if we did IVF while he was active duty.  A perfect time to bring a child into the world… between surgeries and a very unstable situation… NOT! We made the responsible decision to hold off on having children until our life settled and we were ready. Since we waited, we lost coverage for IVF treatments that we needed.  The VA cannot provide IVF treatments to any Veterans, including those who need it because of a war related injuries.  After Kevin retired the VA ran every test, looking for options because they desperately wanted to help us.  Unfortunately they had to tell us that they were unable to help.  Why? Because our government placed a ban that prohibits the VA from providing the treatments.  The funny part is, the DOD is able provide it.  Why is there a difference between the two?

When we met with members of Congress we were hit with some pro-life issues.  Apparently pro-life is not an issue for DOD even though the IVF is provided the exact same way.  IVF is as pro-life as you get.  We are starting life, we are trying to have a family, not end it.  I’m not sure why our veterans are being hit with these questions when all they are asking is to start a family and to have a more normal life.   It is unfair and unethical to make them feel anything other than supported when trying to pursue their dream of having a family!

Our life will never be normal because of war.  Parts of my husbands body are somewhere in Afghanistan and the 2.5 years he spent recovering he will never be able to get back.  Does he regret it… no, he doesn’t.  His Mom had to live with him for about 2 years to care for him through over 30 surgeries.  Now he is medically retired.  He is going to school for his Bachelors degree.  He is ready to be a Dad.  His Mom, who had to wonder if her son would survive, is ready to hold his baby-her Grandbaby.  This is what normal looks like for so many.  All we are asking is for a piece of normal, to be able to be parents.

The reason I am pushing so hard for support now is because Congress will soon be going on break.  If this is not voted on as a yes, more years will continue to pass and more families will be faced with trying to figure out how to have a family.  Like I said before, many of these soldiers are in their child bearing years now, they do not have time for this to take longer! Our wounded service members deserve better.  The ultimate goal of recovery after a war injury is to go on with life as normal as possible, to make the person whole again.  By passing these bills we are helping to make these men and women who already gave so much, whole again.

If you have children, look at them and ask yourself what you would do to bring them into this world if you had to do it all over again.  That is all we are doing.  Our baby is not due until August, but we know the love for her is immeasurable because we have and will do anything to bring her to us.  We will also do anything we have to make sure other people in our situation do not have to feel the way our Government has made us feel.

Please help us by sharing with Congress your thoughts.  We welcome you to use our story.  There’s over 2000 known cases of Veterans who now face infertility because of war injuries. Let’s stand up for these people and help change their lives.  So often we hear “thank you for your service” and we know the people mean well but a true thank you is to help fight for these men and women.  The link I am going to post is a quick and easy to write your representatives requesting that they support these bills.  You do not even have to look up your representatives, they do it for you!  You don’t even have a to type the letter, it is done for you (although you are welcome to add and change things).  You simply put your name and address and it is done!  Something so simple could change the lives of so many and would truly be a meaningful “thank you for your service” for so many!

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Click here to let your voice be heard!

We are having a…

  If you read my last post, you saw that we went through the 1st trimester screening.  Our testing came back abnormal which required extra testing.  We had the NIPT (Non-invasive Prenatal Testing) completed to look further into if there was something going on with our baby.  The NIPT test showed that was no concern of chromosomal issues!  The silver lining of a extremely stressful situation is that we got to find out the gender of our baby early!  The NIPT test looks for Fetal DNA in your blood stream.  This DNA obviously includes the baby’s definite gender.  So without any further waiting…WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Now on to the name picking and nursery decorations!   My anxiety is still through the roof, I am praying for some type of relief.  Most of the time I am just begging my body to function.  Our last appointment resulted in me holding my breath to prevent tears from running down my face in the waiting room, because waiting equals more anxiety.  It really is a struggle and I am trying so hard to fight it.   We go in a few weeks for the full anatomy scan which will hopefully help me calm down. My biggest thing is believing that she is actually there and that we get to be her parents.  I just cannot comprehend something so amazing happening sometimes!  I almost feel unworthy of the title, even though we have fought so incredibly hard for her!  I believe hormones are definitely not helping here!  They are not known for helping with rational thoughts!!!!

The following week we go for a Fetal Echo of our GIRL’s heart.  This is one thing they want to rule out still.  There is no significant reason to believe something will be wrong with her heart. The doctor wants to check since our NT scan was on the thicker end of normal and our baby is an IVF baby.  So pray that our girl’s heart keeps growing strong and healthy!

For now it is so nice to be able to say “she”, rather than trying to avoid saying “it” but really having no other words to say!  We are absolutely in love with our little girl and have been since day 1!

    

   

12 week scan and anxiety! 

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with our IVF miracle.  You’d think you could take a miracle and just be happy to have it.  Instead, I feel like I am spending most of my days in terror.  Terror that this baby we fought so hard to have, will be taken from us.  It is exhausting.  I wish I could just enjoy the pregnancy as people like to tell you.  I am well educated, 28 years old, and very experienced in what the world can throw at you.  I know my thoughts and fear are often illogical.  However, that does not mean I can make them go away.  But I really wish I could. Some days I just lay there and beg the baby to let me feel it move.  It is still so early for that, and I know that.  Which is what drives me insane!  I know what I should be dealing with, from readings, but I’ve never actually dealt with it.  I do not know what is normal for my body, I only know I have read and what I have watched other experience. I am used to almost weekly scans or check ups.  Now I am going on 4 weeks since I have seen a doctor.  It is starting to take its toll on me.  I’ve spend too much time wondering, is the baby okay?  Am I doing things right?  Is he/she still growing?  Am I even pregnant or did I just imagine this whole situation?  That seems ridiculous I know!  I’ve seen the scans of the baby.  Why in the world wouldn’t I believe it is there?  Logical me, know it is there and everything is probably okay.  But, anxiety driven me, is terrified. I’m used to things going wrong.

At week 12 we opted for the first trimester screening.  I only wanted the screening because in my mind, I would rather grieve a diagnosis now and enjoy my baby when it is is born.  I cannot imagine the toll it would take on you to get the diagnosis and the baby at the same time.  I want, at birth, for our baby to be my focus.  I don’t want to grieve then, if there is something to grieve.  I went into the scan fully expecting for everything to be fine.  I’m 28, healthy, and we had a great embryo transferred.  None of those things mean I would be in the clear from anything going wrong, but I just didn’t expect a problem.

We went in for our sonogram and it was amazing to see our baby look so much like a baby!  We got to see he/she in 3D and it was just beyond words.  Their heart was beating away and it was just pure joyous.  Then…

After the scan you go to the waiting room to wait to be seen by the doctor.  While we waited we sent the photos of our baby to our parents and siblings.  We were beyond excited to see our baby and share how “baby like” he/she has become!

We got called back to the patient room.  They did their typical routine blood pressure and everything.  Everything was good.  Then the doctor came in.  She shared that our babies Nuchal Translucencey (NT) appeared to be very thick.  She shared that a thick NT scan can be a sign of Downs, Trisomy 12 and 18 (both typically lethal chromosomal issues), as well as  Heart Defects.  She continue to talk some information and next steps.  All I could hear was my own breathing.  Something always goes wrong, and here it is, was all I could think.   My heart was stopping and I literally could not take it.  I remember her saying, how sorry she was and she knew we worked so hard for this.  I remember my husband telling her that this was our second attempt.   This seriously cannot be happening, kept running through my head.  I would love our baby no matter what it came into this world with, but just like any parent, you do not want to see them struggle.  As a Special Education teacher, I am very aware of the struggle.  I knew exactly what they were telling me that we may be dealing with and it was breaking my heart.

I was able to keep my body somewhat calm as I recalled what some people I know have experienced.  When my Mom was pregnant with my sister, her blood work showed that my sister has a high chance of having Downs.  My sister does not have Downs, she is perfectly fine.  When the doctor mentioned Congenital Heart Defects, I thought of my friends daughter who is an amazing young girl who just happens to also have a heart defect.  Her and her family fought, and their daughter is stronger because of it.   I saw that other people survive this, I would have to too.

Our next step was the NIPT blood scan (Noninvasive Prenatal Testing).  This test looks for fetal DNA in your blood.  They test the DNA for chromosomal abnormality.  This test takes about two weeks to get back.  GREAT, ANOTHER TWO WEEK WAIT!

We were also sent to a specialist.  Luckily we were able to see the specialist on Monday (our scan was on Friday). I could hardly function while driving there and waiting in the office.  I begged my body to please just let me function.  I tried breathing, I tried laughing, I tried it all.  I even brought my Hope rock that I held for each of my injections to hopefully help calm me down!  By the time I got into the patient room my blood pressure was of course high.    They redid the scan and took a more thorough look at our baby.  They did not get as high of a NT thickness as we originally had, which is great!  Our baby also had a very well developed nasal bone.  The lack of a nasal bone is another sign of chromosomal issues, such as Downs Syndrome.  I could feel my body start to relax.  I had a strong grip on my Husbands hand that I could start to ease.  The specialist recommended the NIPT test to be sure, which we had already started.  Our NT was within the normal range, however at the higher end of normal.  He said that it may just be normal for me, which we do not know since this is my first baby.

The next week, we received our results from the NIPT test!  The results shared that our baby does not show signs of chromosomal abnormalities!  The terror those 1.5 weeks put us through were immeasurable!  However, we know that at this moment our baby continues to be healthy!

Since my NT scan was on the thicker side of normal and our baby is an IVF baby they did recommend a Fetal Echo around 22 weeks of pregnancy.  IVF babies have a very slightly higher risk of Congenital Heart Defects (very slight).  Also, a thicker NT scan is a sign of a possible heart defect (but only a possible sign).  We will get everything check out to make sure our baby’s heart is growing strong as soon as we can.  For now, keep us in your prayers that our baby continues to grow healthy!

This entire situation obviously did not help my anxiety.  The silver lining of it was that I had a specialist look our baby over from head to toe.  This did help ease my mind some.  However, I do still feel myself lingering in thoughts of, “what is next.”  Every doctor appointment is scary, I never know what they are going to tell us.  I feel like you go in blind, with no idea of what they might find or tell you.

When I feel myself starting to get stressed, I try to look a baby names or nursery ideas to help myself get excited instead.  Sometimes it helps, however after a few minutes I start to feel like I am just crazy and it is too early to plan anything.   I feel like I am just in this limbo period, where I cannot get a daily reminder that our baby is okay like kicks or movements.  I am just wondering what in the world is going on in there!  I am still getting sick and food is just not my friend most days.  My clothes are getting tighter even though I am losing weight.   So I guess that in itself is a sign that something is still changing in my body. I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy, but I simply cannot put these thoughts aside. People like to tell you to just relax.  I cannot relax, I’ve tried everything I can think of to relax.  I know I am being illogical, making it all the more frustrating.  Having people tell you that you’re thoughts are not valid and you should just relax only makes things worse.   The whole process of IVF has placed a fear in me that is very real. I wish I could explain it better. 

I just wish I could check inside more often.  I wish I could see a doctor more, I cannot stand four week waits.  Several two week waits were enough! 

FET = Success!

On November 25, 2015, the day before Thanksgiving, we transferred one of our frozen embryos.

The Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), is a very different experience compared to the fresh cycle.  The FET involved very little trips to the doctor when compared to the fresh cycle where I went everyday to be monitored.  Before the transfer, I started injections to prepare my body.  These injections are different from the ones I did for a fresh transfer.  They are fun intramuscular ones that go in your backside.  Kevin has become my drug administrator since it is just easier that way for this type of injection.  These injections continued until I was 10 weeks pregnant! Needless to say, I am over my fear of needles!

After the transfer I had picked two days to test, Day 5 and Day 9.  During my last cycle I was completely taken over by the need to test.  I was constantly getting negatives. It completely impacted my mood and general ability to function during those two weeks.  This time, even though my anxiety was pretty elevated, I decided to try and stick to just two days.  On November 30, 2015 I got up early to take my first test.  I was barely awake and was absolutely expecting nothing to show up.  I looked away from the test for a few minutes and when I looked back a faint double line was showing.  I blinked a gazillion times to make sure my mind was not making it up!

I was not making it up.  The lines were there!  I continued to test every couple of days to make sure the line got darker!  It did!

The the dreaded, but very anticipated Beta day!  I was in a much better mood than the last time I went for Beta testing, but still nervous!  Later that day, I got the call.  We are pregnant!  I’ve never heard those words before.  I’ve dreamed about them, but never has someone actually said them to me!

I had to continue with another Beta testing to make sure the hormones were continuing to grow as they should.  Everything was going very well!

At exactly six weeks pregnant, we saw our baby for the first time! Then we saw he/she again at 7 and 8 weeks.  At 8 weeks I was released to the OB.  It was difficult to leave Shady Grove.  I trust them.  I’ve been through some of the most difficult times of my life with them.

We announced our pregnancy to the world at Christmas.  In the world of some, it may have been “too early.”  But to us, we love that baby no matter what happens, he/she is worth celebrating.

I’ve been a bit of a slacker lately with blogging.  I have some catching up to do with what has been going on with us!  I’ll get to that soon!   I just wanted to share this good news for now! We appreciate all the love and support that has been shown.  Please keep the prayers going for our baby as he/she continues to grow!

The picture below is our baby at 6 weeks! I’m now 14.5 weeks!  baby jaye first picture